


Anything I Write For You Becomes a Love Poem

by sapphberries



Category: Harley Quinn (Comics), Poison Ivy (Comics)
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Powers, Angst and Fluff, Character traits, F/F, Harleen Quinzel is bad at planning, Oneshot, Pamela Isley is the Gayest™ and also a Dork™, Writing, but that's for the best, grad students
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-01
Updated: 2018-01-01
Packaged: 2019-02-26 01:31:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13225374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sapphberries/pseuds/sapphberries
Summary: Pam struggles to write a speech.





	Anything I Write For You Becomes a Love Poem

**Author's Note:**

> Happy New Year! Have some gays.

_How to describe Harleen Quinzel…_

Pam stared at the blank document in front of her, as though expecting words to spring into existence without being typed. She’d been staring at her laptop for 15 minutes, but, funnily enough, it wasn’t getting any easier. She sighed, and returned her fingers to the keyboard.

“Tactile.”

Well that was... accurate. Harley loved to touch, and to be touched. Her favorite museums were outdoor sculpture parks where you could put your hands on the installations, even climb on some of them. Her favorite thing to do in the evening was curl up with Pam on the couch, nuzzling her head against her like a cat might do until Pam held her still long enough to press a kiss to her forehead. Harley would melt into her arms like she had no bones, and promptly fall asleep.

No. She couldn’t write about that. Not for this. Besides, “tactile” sounded like something an exhausted parent would tell an equally exhausted teacher about their rambunctious child, not the right word for an event like this.

Pam held down the delete key until the page was blank again, then started over.

_Smart?_

Yes— but not the right word.

“Thoughtful.”

Pam actually snorted as she pressed delete.

_Clever? Quick thinking?_

All true, Harley learned fast when she set her mind to it, and she worked harder than most people assumed. She’d gotten her master's degree in just over two years, almost as quickly as Pam herself, and had been thriving these past few months at her internship at Arkham Center.

Pam sighed again. None of these sounded appropriate. Maybe for a throwaway adjective here or there, but not a whole segment. You didn’t praise someone’s intellect at these sorts of things unless you were leading into a funny story, and Pam didn’t have a funny story about how smart Harley was, just stories that made her glow with pride.

_Oh! Maybe…_

“Funny.”

Delete.

“Humorous”

Delete.

“Happy.”

Pam paused for a second.

“She makes you laugh.”

This was true, and more to the point.

“Everyone here, regardless of how well you know her, has probably heard Harley laughing. It’s loud, it carries, and it’s infectious. Even if you didn’t hear the joke, you’re still laughing with her in a matter of seconds, because you just can’t help it. She can make anyone laugh, even me.”

_Even me._

“Harleen is always happy, even when she’s not,”

She’d seen her, more than a few times, comforting Jack with a smile on her face, while she herself was equally upset. When one of their dogs died she’d waited three days before coming to Pam’s apartment and breaking down.

_“You don’t have to always put him first, you know?”_

_“It’s not like that Red. Making him feel better makes me feel better too.”_

“Because the most important thing to her is making sure you’re okay.”

She’d applied for a position at the most acclaimed botanical lab on the east coast. The rejection email had been short and official, pre-typed for all the prospects who didn’t make it. She’d been curled up in bed for a day and a half before Harley found her.

“ _They’re idiots who obviously don’t deserve your amazing-ness anyway. You’ll find something even better, I know it.”_

She’d never been hugged so hard.

“She’s always going to put a smile on your face, no matter what.”

They’d snuck up to the roof of the greenhouse after class. It was rare to see stars in Gotham but the heavy rains had cleared away the smog, giving more visibility than Pam had ever seen in the city. Harley had brushed the hair out of her eyes and held her hand as they sat, legs dangling over the side of th building.

_“You’re beautiful Pammy, ya know that?”_

Pam drew a deep shuddering breath.

“But she's never going to make me smile again, is she? I’m never going to hold her on my couch or take her to the sculpture garden. And she’s never going to come home to me and tell me about her day. How is she supposed to make me smile now that she’s marrying someone else?????? How am I ever supposed to fucking smile again?????”

Pam froze, staring in horror at the words on the screen.

_No, no, no no._

Why Harley had insisted she do this was a mystery to her. She had tried to explain that the maid of honor usually only did a toast, but Harley just shook her head.

 _“You’re my best friend in the whole world Red, I want you to have a bigger part in this! And you always give the best speeches! I still remember how great you sounded at high school graduation.”_ She’d given her a playful nudge. _“I’ll do a speech when you get married too, I promise.”_

Pam had stifled a noise that was something between a laugh and a sob, told Harley she would be happy to speak, and then hurried away, saying that she’d promised to meet Selina in a few minutes.

She’d been hoping it wasn’t real, hoping that she wasn’t actually going to go through with it, hoping, even, for Jack to have some terrible accident. But no. Pam shook herself, this was happening, and she was going to have to accept it. It was over. No more snuggling on the couch after a long day. No more whipped cream on the tip of her nose as they ate banana chocolate chip pancakes. No more drunken makeout sessions that Harley never seemed to remember. No more waiting for her to notice her more than friendly feelings. No more hope that the two of them would ever be anything more than what they always had been. Harley was getting married to a person-that-was-not-her in a month, and she was going to have to stand up and pretend to be happy about it.

She selected the last section and firmly pressed the delete button. This didn’t have to be that long, really. People didn’t want to hear her to blathering, short and sweet was the way to go. She moused over the bit about laughter, adding a few lines here and there.

_Okay._

Time to wrap it up.

“You’ve been my best friend for 11 years—”

_A long time to be in love with someone._

“And I’m so happy for you.”

_Liar._

“I love you so much,”

 _“Look Red!”_ Harley had waved her hand frantically in front of her face, showing off the little diamond on her ring finger. “ _Looooooook!_ ”

Pam blinked.

_“C-congratulations.”_

“And I wish you and Jack every happiness.”

Pam stopped typing. She couldn’t do it. She couldn’t get up in front of everyone and say those things to Harley, at least not without bursting into tears.

_“Wow Red, we look amazing!”_

Harley had tried on half of the dresses in the store before she settled on one. She’d gotten Pam to try one on too, and the both of them stood in front of the tall mirror. Pam had closed her eyes, fixing the memory of the two of them in wedding dresses in her mind.

Slowly, she reached for her phone, gritting her teeth. Harley’s name was at the top of her call list. It was late— almost 2am— but she knew she’d still be up. It rang for a few seconds before Pam heard her voice.

“Hiya Red! What’s up?”

Pam swallowed.

“Harley I… I’m really sorry. I can’t do the wedding.”

“What!” Harley’s shock was clear from her voice, and Pam tried not to imagine her face. “What do you mean you can do the wedding?”

“I—” Pam stammered, “Something’s come up, my parents—”

“Your parents can suck my dick! Pam, it’s my wedding!”

“I know, I know, I just, I can’t—“ Harley cut her off.

“I’m gonna hang up on you so I can call them and talk some sense into them.”

“No! Don’t do that!”

“Pam I can’t get married without you!”

_Clearly you can…_

“Please don’t call them.”

“Why not?”

“Because—” Pam scrambled to think of what to say, but nothing came up.”

“Because what?”

“Because…” Pam closed her eyes, “I don’t want to go to the wedding.”

“What?” Harley had stopped yelling. “Pammy, what do you mean?”

It was quiet for a few seconds, then Pam took a deep breath. She might as well do it now.

“I love you, Harleen, and I can’t do a speech about how happy I am for you and Jack because it’s not true.”

There was complete silence. Pam felt a sense of indescribable relief followed by a rush of terror.

_What have you done? Fuuuuuuuck._

“Pam.” She could no longer read Harley’s expression from her voice.

“Sorry.”

“Pam wai—!”

She hung up.

_Shit shit shit shit._

Pam put the phone down, closed her laptop, and put her head down on the table. A few seconds later the phone began to ring again. She reached for it without sitting up and held down the power button until the ringing went away. She didn’t want to talk to Harley now. She couldn’t bear to hear what was coming next. Harley would be gentle, masking her confusion with a breezy tone as she told her her feelings weren’t reciprocated but “Could we still be besties? Can you still do the wedding, please?”

That was, assuming she still wanted to be friends at all.

Pam’s inside’s were tying themselves into knots. She didn’t know how long she’d been slumped at the table, but she couldn’t muster the effort to move. Everything seemed frozen.

There was a banging on the door.

Pam’s eyes snapped open.

“Pam! Red! Let me in!”

It was Harley. Pam tensed. What could she want to say so badly that she’d come over?

“I know you’re in there. Let me in!”

Pam lay still for another thirty seconds, debating what to do. Deciding whatever Harley had to say couldn’t make her feel any worse she rose from the table and made her way to the door. The knocking had continued the whole time, now a steady thump thump thump. Pam braced herself, turned the lock, and opened the door.

Harley practically lunged through the door, slamming into her and knocking her to the floor.

“Harley!” Pam gasped, “What the—” She was cut off as Harley pressed her lips into hers. Pam’s eyes widened, and then closed, preserving a snapshot of Harley's face inches from her own.

Harley had kissed her before, but not like this. This felt so real. Even as she felt like all of her impossible dreams were coming true she knew it was really happening. Still, after a few seconds she pushed Harley off.

“We can’t.” Pam panted, pulling herself into a sitting position. Harley, already seated with her legs crossed, tilted her head to one side.

“Why not?”

“You’re getting married in a month!”

“Oh… yeah, that’s true.”

Pam added _Scatterbrained_ to the list of traits. S _catterbrained, impulsive, reckless._

_Good Kisser._

“Do you… still want to get married in a month?” Pam said hesitantly, not sure if she actually wanted to know the answer. Harley shrugged.

“I don’t know.” She scrunched up her face in thought. “Maybe? Probably not though.”

Pam didn’t know whether she wanted to laugh or cry. She stood up shakily, making her way to the couch and slumping down. She pinched the bridge of her nose.

“Hey, Pammy, it’s okay.” Harley plopped down beside her. She reached out and rubbed her shoulder comfortingly.

“How is it okay?”

Harley shrugged again.

“Dunno, I’ll figure it out in the morning.”

“Harley, canceling a wedding is a big deal. You’ve already booked things, made payments, and what will Jack say?” Pam felt dizzy. It was all too much, but Harley was laughing.

“You’re funny Pam, ya know that? I come here, all ready ta kiss ya, and all you want to talk about is how illogistical canceling my wedding would be.” Pam opened her mouth to protest, but Harley kept going. “Besides, I put off most off that stuff big time. Haven’t even booked half of the things, and what I have is probably refundable.”

“Seriously?” Pam blinked incredulously. “Harley that’s terrible planning. How did you think any of this was going to work out?”

“Pammy.” Harley raised her eyebrows. “Do you want me to marry Jack, or no?”

Pam shook her head.

“Good. That’s settled.” Harley smiled wider than ever. “Now, can we get back to kissing?”

Pam swallowed, then nodded, and the next second Harley had taken her cheeks in her hands and was pressing their lips together once more.

Harley tasted like artificial strawberries. She'd never been a fan of the flavor, but it was quickly becoming her favorite. She could feel how chapped her own lips were, but Harley didn't seem to mind. The kiss deepened, and Harley took her hands off of Pam's face, running them instead along her sides. _Tactile_ , Pam thought, grinning against Harley’s mouth as her hands continued to explore.

Time passed. Harley seemed to be slowing down. Pam pulled back.

“You okay?”

“Yeah,” Harley said, stifling a yawn and blinking slowly, “Just sleepy. I ran the whole way here.”

"Really?"

"Mhm. I had to see you. I knew you were gonna be freaking out—“ Pam spluttered, but Harley continued, “—And wanted to show you that you didn't have to be." Harley looked into Pam's eyes. "I care about ya a lot, Red."

Pam practically glowed.

"I care about you too, Daffodil." Harley giggled at the nickname, then yawned again.

“Let’s sleep,” Pam said, giving her a quick peck on the cheek before leaning back against the couch. Harley giggled and she snuggled up beside her, laying her head down on Pam’s collar, and nuzzling into the crook of her neck. Pam stroked her hair with one hand, the other reaching to the wall behind her, fumbling for the light switch. With a click the two of them were plunged into darkness.

She felt Harley's breathing slow. She pressed one more kiss onto the top of her head, then leaned back into the cushions.

 _Perfect._  Pam thought. _That’s how I’d describe her. Perfect._

**Author's Note:**

> I'm baaaaack :D


End file.
